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Rude?, What the Hell You Talkin' 'Bout, Everything's Just Fine 'Round Here!

What Would You do if Your Company Offered You this "Job Security Insurance Plan"?

And What Will a "Cafeteria Revenue Amplification Program" do to Your Lunch Hour?

Remember When... ?

Free Giveaways: Biz-Wiz Rob Rudeway's Fantastic Moneymaking Ideas Dept. 

Productivity Pundit Sam Scalpel Takes Aim at Your Company's Restrooms!
  
Scalpel's Scheme for the Company Blood-Donor Program!  "Your Pint Goes Right to the Bottom Line!"

Guest Opinion: Former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill on Executive Abuse.

Rude?,  what the hell you talkin' 'bout, everything's just fine 'round here!

Many of our fellow citizens have not experienced the level of rudeness, anger and incompetence of service that we talk about at this site. Certainly there are a few places left in this country where civility, consideration, and thoughtfulness survive. For the people fortunate enough to live in these civil and humane places we suggest taking a look at our anger and rudeness in the news and who says we're rude pages to get an idea of the transgressions and bad behavior that the rest of us have to endure -- as reported by the media. Also, look over some of the consumer scams that the rest of us have to be on the lookout for on our Consumer pages. And how about your elected officials (local and national)? Are they all that you think they are?  Do you think the campaign contributions they get from individuals and Orgs influence their vote in ways you may not approve of? Follow the money and see who they get their campaign and other contributions from at Project Vote Smart or opensecrets.org and think about how that might influence their vote and the principles they espouse (more citizens' links here). You can look at their voting record, too.  In the meantime we hope that life stays polite and pleasant in your neck of the woods and, by the way, would you Please drop us an e-mail letting us know where things are so nice? Thank You.

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How will the New Thinking in the Business Community Impact us Working Stiffs? Here are a few Excerpts from the Book "Rx for Profits" by the Ruthless Efficiency and Downsizing Consultant, Sam Scalpel, who Advises Top Corporate Honchos how to Improve Their Bottom Line.  Hey, this could be Your Company!...

Sam Scalpel's Rx #67: The Company Job Security Insurance Program:

A voluntary "tithe" shall be withheld from employees' paychecks as a form of "Job Security Insurance," guaranteeing that the employee will be given priority consideration at each of the Company's future downsizings.  How it works: As employees sign up, priority consideration will be given to those who donate proportionally greater "insurance premiums" in relation to their salaries, so they have a better chance of keeping their jobs the more they contribute. This means that the wisest thing an employee can do is to sign up for the maximum possible amount that they can afford.  This program, structured as a healthy and beneficial form of employee competition, will result in massive payroll savings to The Company! Company shareholders will find this a very desirable situation, as it constitutes a payroll buyback program, which is a very attractive alternative to a stock buyback program, which the company really can't afford (largely because of the generous compensation packages enjoyed by top management). 
 
Sam Scalpel's Rx #78: Cafeteria Revenue Amplification Program (CRAP):

Employees will be asked to help recycle uneaten foods that they have purchased from the company cafeteria. They will be instructed on how to sort the various categories of recyclable foods (uneaten bread, vegetables, meats, etc.) so that the cafeteria staff will be able to spend the minimum amount of time sterilizing and reprocessing the foods. Reprocessed food, which cuts the cost of "raw materials," will be used to create surprise exotic treats like "déjà vu duck," "ropa mas vieja," "soup du hier," "babagawhah?," "shrimp mal diablo," "clones-of-scones," "kreplach mysterioso," and many other tasty ethnic dishes. 

This program can be incentivized by distributing coupons that are valued according to the weight of the recycled food materials that each employee turns in to CRAP's Cafeteria Recycling Alimentary Program (CRAP²). The coupons may be redeemed at the cafeteria checkout registers in the form of price discounts (on recycled food purchases only).  As the cafeteria staff gradually progresses up the learning curve of food recycling technology, the program can be expanded to include the recycling of unused take-out foods that employees have brought into the building to consume.

A further expansion of this program will target those employees who go out to restaurants for meals. They will be urged to save their uneaten portions and bring doggie bags back to CRAP². This program is environmentally correct and will offset any bad press that the Company may receive for any future discoveries of accounting irregularities, toxic waste dumping, asbestos problems, or nuclear reactor gas releases (or any other problems that might be discovered) that have occurred in businesses The Company engaged in.   

Other long-term medical-related benefits: Participating employees will enjoy relief of the sense of wastefulness that people experience when they are served more than they really care to eat (a psychological benefit -- the medical plan's psychiatric payouts will be further reduced as a result).  In addition, employees who realize that they can recycle what they don't wish to eat will not feel pressured to "clean their plates" and will thus eat less, helping them control their weight, feel healthier and therefore use less sick time!  Thus we see the manifold possibilities for revenue and productivity enhancement under this plan.

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Remember When... ?

Remember the days when "Garbage was Garbage" and Identity Theft was unheard of?  When it was safe to throw away your old files, bills, mail, cancelled checks, etc. without having to shred them? (Check out this page to learn more about privacy issues.)

Remember when CEO pay was, on average, "only" 42 times that of production workers?  Now it's 400 times!  See Congressman Martin O. Sabos' site and the Executive Pay Watch site for more on this issue.  Also, go to our Consumer Protection page for more corporate abuse info links. 

Inspired by the Quality Level  of so many of Today's Products and Services, Biz-Whiz Rob Rudeway has come up with Some Fantastic $$-Making Ideas Free and at No Cost! (Redundancy intended; Ethics not included).  

This Month's Plan: Entrepreneurs who really don't have any good ideas can still make a bundle!  You can market a product that people will pay for, yet costs you nothing to manufacture!  

1- Inspiration: A few years ago Rob Rudeway ordered two gizmos that plug into the wall outlet and which allegedly used the house wiring as a large antenna to get improved TV reception.  When they arrived they rattled as if there were lots of loose and broken parts inside them and, of course, they didn't work. Rob  contacted the company (with some difficulty -- it was mail order) and they eventually shipped 2 replacement units which arrived in the same condition!  It was hard to imagine how they could have been so badly damaged in shipping.  Rob was about to walk away from the situation, but became curious as to what it would take to make matters right. He found that it took a great deal of time and effort and threats to contact the Consumer Authorities, but he eventually got a full refund.  This experience suggested a great new business model...

2-Execution: You can pick up, from manufacturers, for little or no money (or even be paid to take away), gadgets and parts that are factory rejects and are about to be discarded as defective, broken, or otherwise useless.  You then advertise these objects as new, at super bargain prices, and sit back and wait for the orders to come in.  You ship the flawed items, leading to the inevitable complaints, which your company will make good on, providing the unhappy customers with a full refund, less the shipping and handling charges, which you have set to be a  fraction of the actual "shipping and handling."  (Of course, you don't make it easy for them, just utilize the usual customer service tricks that so many bad retailers use nowadays.)  However, since most customers are either practical or apathetic, they won't even bother to complain at all, especially if the total cost is carefully chosen to be below the threshold at which it's worth the bother to bitch! (Frankly, how much of your time would you spend to recover, say, a paltry $8.95?)  They'll just walk away from the deal without further complaint, and you've made a tidy profit!  (All for just circulating junk through the mail.)  And if a customer really puts up a stink, you refund the full amount, avoiding any tangle with the Consumer Authorities -- so you're covered legally.  (And the Postal Service will probably get the blame for the damage anyway.)  Beauty!

More Electrifying Excerpts from the Book "Rx for Profits":
Sam Scalpel's Rx #32: Company Restroom Efficiency Enhancements:

The company should endeavor to replace all of the restroom toilet paper dispensers with new models that carry two or more giant rolls, thereby reducing labor requirements for toilet-roll replacement by better than half. In addition, the new toilet paper should be noticeably narrower and thinner (a direct savings in materials) as well as more abrasive. The combination of abrasiveness and narrowness acts synergistically to create a very powerful incentive for company bathroom-goers: they will become more efficient in the use of the product in order to minimize the harsh, grating experience of the company wipe. The net materials savings will be appreciable. 

But there is also another more significant and far-reaching benefit: In the long run, the new paper will encourage employees to take care of toilet matters in the privacy and comfort of their own home, using their own full-sized and user-friendly paper, on their own time, in order to minimize company-paperwipe discomfort. It is here that the really significant value of these improvements takes place, for we obtain a profound productivity gain, due to the anticipated reduction of non-productive bathroom time. These materials savings and productivity gains should enhance the bottom line significantly. 

Sam Scalpel's Rx # 56: Profitizing the Company Blood Donor Program:

The Company's annual blood drive can be expanded to a quarterly drive, with the three additional collections being conducted on a "for profit" basis, managed by an outside blood wholesaler who will pay The Company a "per pint" fee.  Employees will be encouraged to donate blood by means of numerous incentives.  For example, each donor will be allowed a choice of 2 blood tests to be provided free with each donation (tests for blood sugar or cholesterol or other blood tests for various maladies that have been made popular and sensationalized by the media). Other incentives include a choice of two items from The Company retail store (selections taken from unsold overstocked inventory, of course). 

This program will be promoted 'in house' by appealing to employees' sense of community and company loyalty.  It can, for example, be pointed out that volunteering blood will help improve the quality of our communities' blood supply by reducing the ratio of substance-abuse street donors to employed-citizen donors.  Slogans can also be employed to encourage participation, such as, "Donate some Heme -- Make the Profit Margin Steam!," and "The Red you Give Takes the Red out of our Balance Sheet," or "Your Pint Goes Right to the Bottom Line!"

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